Helping Kids through the Holidays
Just like the Wise
men, farmers and shepherds in those sweet, upcoming Christmas pageants, the holidays are drawing 'nigh'!
Right about now we often begin to see a number of students showing up in our offices, anxious about any number of issues related to the season. These concerns might
include expectations and disappointments, messy family dynamics, as well as a
dread of coping with grief during this period.
As a proactive intervention, we might even consider
initiating conversations with kids we know who have experienced significant
losses over the year.
Once these kids arrive in our office, having a stocking full of strategies can
be helpful. Here are a number of ideas that students have found helpful in the
past:
1. Reassure a
kid that even though the anticipation of the holidays can be scary and
painful, they can and will get through the event. It helps to let them know
that in many instances, the time leading up to the day is worse than the actual
day.
2. Helping
kids develop a plan of what THEY would like to do, and then helping them
discuss it with their parents can make a big difference to your student.
Encourage your
student to be creative – you may want to use some visualization or art
activities with them.
The plan should
include how to express grief in a specific
time and place – this might include:
a.
Leave an empty chair at the table.
b.
Light a candle, or place a bulb on the tree in
memory of their loved one.
c.
Go onto a grief support website and write an online
tribute about them.
d.
Request prayers at their place of worship.
3. Encourage
kids to make a Plan A and B (C, D, and
E). Knowing that they can change their plans depending how they are feeling,
may help decrease the stress.
For example, if
Plan A is to go to Aunt Mary’s for dinner, Plan B might be to go to stay home
instead.
4. Ask the
student what it would be like to do something totally different than their traditional customs.
They may appreciate
your advocacy with their parent(s) in discussion and implementation of their
ideas.
5. Encouraging
creativity may also facilitate discussion and reminiscing about the loss –
these are very therapeutic tools for processing grief.
I.e. create a “Remembrance
bulb” to hang on the Christmas tree, write a new song, or make a movie of past
Christmas memories.
Reminiscing about
the past helps to process grief in a number of ways – it is okay, and good, to”
remember”.
6. Many
families find it meaningful to “honour their loved one” by helping others
during the holidays i.e. volunteer to serve dinner at a Drop-in center.
What sorts of activities
would the student find significant in this regard? Could they do it on their
own, or with a friend, if other family members were reluctant to participate?
7. Encourage
your student to focus and do the things that will be easy on their emotions and
body – they are likely to be exhausted.
Helping the student make a list of
activities they find particularly relaxing may give them a concrete
reminder to rest.
8. Help the student develop mantras for coping :
for example
·
Be sad. It’s allowed – grief doesn’t take holidays.
·
Laugh. It’s allowed – life goes on.
9.
Encourage the student to spend time with the people
that they identify as supportive.
Again, making a
list of names with the student may provide a concrete reminder who they can
call during the holidays.
*It
is especially important to follow up with these kids AFTER the holidays.
· What
strategies worked for them?
· How
can they continue to use those coping methods in their daily life?
· What
didn’t work for them?
·
What situations occurring during the
holidays need to be addressed?
Before leaving this particular subject for the moment:
I wonder how some
of these strategies might be incorporated into YOUR holiday season?
What tips might you take as your own so that the holidays are as
relaxing and restorative as possible for you?
It's holiday time for you too! YAY!
In the meantime, take care of YOU.
Teachers and kids creating new paths for living - one step at a time.
