Hi!
To catch my current posts, please catch me at adishofkindness.blogspot.ca.
See you there!
Warmly
Wendy
Ed in Grief
Wednesday, August 24, 2016
Saturday, May 31, 2014
YYC Death Cafe Gets New Hosts....
Dear Death Café Guests:
I’ve had the pleasure of facilitating eight Death Cafes in
Calgary over the past year; however, last Sunday’s cafe, on May 25th, was my final Death Café for now.
I invited people to meet for cake and conversation about
death, dying, and grief; the stories, wisdom, and courage which I’ve heard from
over 350 guests have taught me lessons about life which I now hold dear.
I’m pleased now to hand over the Calgary Death Café forum to two
women who have attended the majority of my cafes: Janine Violini and Jamie
Whittaker. I’m looking forward to attending, as a participant, the Death Cafes
that these compassionate, knowledgeable, and fun women will create.
You’ll be able to contact Janine and Jamie at yycdeathcafe@gmail.com, and their upcoming
cafes will be posted on the Death Café website at www.deathcafe.com .
So, what am I going to be doing instead of Death Cafes? Death and Dying Dinner Parties! These will be
meaningful conversations about life, death and dying, but now over dinner - a
little more intimate conversations, a little more food. Actually, a lot more food!
If you would like
more information about these new events, stay tuned to this page.
I leave you with the quote with which I have ended the Death Cafes:
“Before we can generate compassion
and love, it is important to have a clear understanding of what we understand
compassion and love to be. In simple terms, compassion and love can be defined
as positive thoughts and feelings that give rise to such essential things in
life as hope, courage, determination, and inner strength. In the Buddhist tradition,
compassion and love are seen as two aspects of the same thing: Compassion is
the wish for another being to be free from suffering; love is wanting them to
have happiness." His Holiness the Dalai Lama
Warmly
Wendy Kurchak
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Death Cafe is "SOLD OUT" on May 25th
One of the Death Cafes in 2013 |
That's the date of the next Calgary Death Cafe, and it is now completely full. It would be "SOLD OUT" except, it's free!
I'm looking forward to spending the afternoon with the registered guests - talking about all things related to death, dying, and grief.
Stay tuned to this site for future Death Cafe events.
Warmly
Wendy Kurchak
Saturday, March 29, 2014
New Death Cafe MAY 25, 2014
Photo: near site of Landsberg Hospice, Bavaria. W.Kurchak |
Hi Everyone!
With all the the snow we've had in Calgary, perhaps we need to look forward to something which will remind us of hope eternal - a Death Cafe!
For anyone new to this concept, here's the scoop...
Death Cafes are events in which people, often strangers, meet to discuss issues about death, dying and grief. They are not support groups, but opportunities to engage in honest, open, and safe conversations about those topics generally avoided in day-to-day life.
At Death Cafes there is always cake and coffee, and an atmosphere of authenticity as participants share thoughts, feelings and questions about life and death matters.
So, you see, the essential purpose is to increase an awareness of death so that life may be embraced more fully!
The upcoming Death Cafe is:
Date: May 25, 2014
Time: 2 - 4:30 PM
Place: Hospice Calgary Sage Center
1245 70 Ave SE ( across from Trail Appliances)
Calgary
Fee: As always, Death Cafes are free of cost, and open to everyone.
HOWEVER, you do need to pre-register so that I know how many cakes to bake!
To save your spot at this Death Cafe, please send your name, and the number of people attending with you, to me at www.yycdeathcafe@gmail.com .
It is ONLY when you receive a reply from me that you can rest assured that your name is on the guest list. There are a limited number of spots at this event, so please register today.
Interested? You can read more about Death Cafe at the official website!
I hope to see you soon for my first Death Cafe of 2014.
Warmly
Wendy Kurchak
At a Death Cafe people, often strangers, gather to eat cake, drink tea and discuss death.
Our objective is 'to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives'.
A Death Cafe is a group directed discussion of death with no agenda, objectives or themes. It is a discussion group rather than a grief support or counselling session.
Our Death Cafes are always offered:
- On a not for profit basis
- In an accessible, respectful and confidential space
- With no intention of leading people to any conclusion, product or course of action
- Alongside refreshing drinks and nourishing food – and cake
At a Death Cafe people, often strangers, gather to eat cake, drink tea and discuss death.
Our objective is 'to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives'.
A Death Cafe is a group directed discussion of death with no agenda, objectives or themes. It is a discussion group rather than a grief support or counselling session.
Our Death Cafes are always offered:
- On a not for profit basis
- In an accessible, respectful and confidential space
- With no intention of leading people to any conclusion, product or course of action
- Alongside refreshing drinks and nourishing food – and cake
At a Death Cafe people, often strangers, gather to eat cake, drink tea and discuss death.
Our objective is 'to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives'.
A Death Cafe is a group directed discussion of death with no agenda, objectives or themes. It is a discussion group rather than a grief support or counselling session.
Our Death Cafes are always offered:
- On a not for profit basis
- In an accessible, respectful and confidential space
- With no intention of leading people to any conclusion, product or course of action
- Alongside refreshing drinks and nourishing food – and cake
At a Death Cafe people, often strangers, gather to eat cake, drink tea and discuss death.
Our objective is 'to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives'.
A Death Cafe is a group directed discussion of death with no agenda, objectives or themes. It is a discussion group rather than a grief support or counselling session.
Our Death Cafes are always offered:
- On a not for profit basis
- In an accessible, respectful and confidential space
- With no intention of leading people to any conclusion, product or course of action
- Alongside refreshing drinks and nourishing food – and cake
At a Death Cafe people, often strangers, gather to eat cake, drink tea and discuss death.
Our objective is 'to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives'.
A Death Cafe is a group directed discussion of death with no agenda, objectives or themes. It is a discussion group rather than a grief support or counselling session.
Our Death Cafes are always offered:
- On a not for profit basis
- In an accessible, respectful and confidential space
- With no intention of leading people to any conclusion, product or course of action
- Alongside refreshing drinks and nourishing food – and cake! - See more at: http://deathcafe.com/p/what-is-death-cafe.html/#sthash.wCoEqV3r.dpuf
Our objective is 'to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives'.
A Death Cafe is a group directed discussion of death with no agenda, objectives or themes. It is a discussion group rather than a grief support or counselling session.
Our Death Cafes are always offered:
- On a not for profit basis
- In an accessible, respectful and confidential space
- With no intention of leading people to any conclusion, product or course of action
- Alongside refreshing drinks and nourishing food – and cake! - See more at: http://deathcafe.com/p/what-is-death-cafe.html/#sthash.wCoEqV3r.dpuf
At a Death Cafe people, often strangers, gather to eat cake, drink tea and discuss death.
Our objective is 'to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives'.
A Death Cafe is a group directed discussion of death with no agenda, objectives or themes. It is a discussion group rather than a grief support or counselling session.
Our Death Cafes are always offered:
- On a not for profit basis
- In an accessible, respectful and confidential space
- With no intention of leading people to any conclusion, product or course of action
- Alongside refreshing drinks and nourishing food – and cake! - See more at: http://deathcafe.com/p/what-is-death-cafe.html/#sthash.wCoEqV3r.dpuf
Our objective is 'to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives'.
A Death Cafe is a group directed discussion of death with no agenda, objectives or themes. It is a discussion group rather than a grief support or counselling session.
Our Death Cafes are always offered:
- On a not for profit basis
- In an accessible, respectful and confidential space
- With no intention of leading people to any conclusion, product or course of action
- Alongside refreshing drinks and nourishing food – and cake! - See more at: http://deathcafe.com/p/what-is-death-cafe.html/#sthash.wCoEqV3r.dpuf
Monday, December 16, 2013
Four Memory Candles
Memory Candles
As we light these four candles in honor of you, we light one for our GRIEF, one for our COURAGE, one for our MEMORIES and one for our LOVE.
This candle represents our GRIEF. The pain of losing you is intense. It reminds us of the depth of our love for you.
This candle represents our COURAGE – to confront our sorrow. to comfort each other, to change our lives.
This light is in your MEMORY – the times we laughed, the times we cried, the times we were angry with each other, the silly things you did, the caring and joy you gave us.
This light is for the light of LOVE.
As we enter this holiday season, day by day we cherish the special place in our hearts that will always be reserved for you. We thank you for the gift your living brought to each of us. We love you.
~From Holiday Help: Coping for the Bereaved, by Sherry Gibson, B.S., R.N. and Sandra Graves, Ph.D.
Friday, December 13, 2013
Grief Doesn't Take Holidays
(also posted on www.ahpca.ca)
It was forty
years ago, in a large downtown hospital that I worked my first Christmas Eve shift
as a new nursing grad. As was the hospital tradition, a call went out during
the night for nurses willing to sing carols strolling
through the wards on Christmas morning . I thought it was a brilliant idea and jumped at the chance
to participate.
c. Vancouver Sun |
Many
years of voice lessons landed me a position at the front of our little group where
I had a clear view into patient’s rooms as we sang our way through the
wards. We started on the orthopaedic floor where skiers with their legs in
traction smiled and waved as we passed their doors. All was merry and fine until
we entered the oncology floor which included our hospital’s answer to hospice
palliative care – a few rooms away from the nursing station.
Passing
these rooms, I saw some patients too ill to wave, some with expressions of
sweet remembrance, and others who garnered
their strength to whisper ”Thank you”. Some of the patients had family members
by their beds – holding their hands, wiping tears from their faces: some of the
patients were alone; for many, it would be their last Christmas.
By the
time we reached the unit door, I’d been gently moved to the back of the group;
I couldn’t sing through my tears. For
the first time in my life, I understood that Christmas wasn’t all fun and cheer
– it could be a very difficult time for those struggling with illness, dying
and grief.
The
holiday season holds many challenges for those who have lost a loved one in the
past year, or so. For example, meeting
the expectations of established family traditions, or the “merry ho-ho” attitude
of our culture just add stress to the grief.
“If
the grief is fresh, holiday cheer can seem like an affront and celebrations may
underscore how alone people feel,” notes Dr. Michael
Miller,
editor in chief of the Harvard Mental
Health Letter.
Coping
with the holiday season takes some thought and pre-planning but it is possible
to survive intact and healthy. Here are some tips that the bereaved have found
helpful during the holidays.
Acknowledge that the holiday season will be difficult
- Many bereaved say that the anticipation of the day/ holiday is often worse than the actual day itself.
- Heads up: although the first holiday without a loved one is difficult, some people find that there are still some challenges in the second year after a death.
Plan a ritual to
acknowledge your loved one during the holidays
c.Fotolia |
- Leave an empty chair at the table.
- Light a candle dedicated to your loved one.
- Place a bulb on the tree in memory of your loved one.
- ttend a seasonal memorial service offered at a local hospice or funeral home.
- Recognize your loved one through your personal spiritual practices.
- Be creative: you may want to use visualization or creative expressive tools, such as drawing or music, to help you develop rituals which will be meaningful for you.
Make new
traditions
Instead of following traditions which included your loved one, creating new traditions via new
activities or new venues may ease the obvious absence of a deceased loved one.For instance, instead of spending the holidays at home, go away where ever your budget will allow.
c.Fotolia |
- Knowing that you can change your plans depending on your feelings, may help decrease the stress.
- For example, if Plan A is to go to a relative’s house for dinner, Plan B might be to go to the movies instead.
Help others
Helping
others may release the “feel-good hormones” endorphins. You might:
- Volunteer to serve dinner at a Drop-in center, walk the animals in a rescue shelter, go shopping for your elderly neighbours, distribute mittens to the homeless…
- Volunteer for a cause embraced by your loved one; what was an important value in their life?
Take
it easy on yourself
- Practice these words: “No, thank you.”
- Follow the excellent stress reduction practices on the Grief-Healing-Support website as best as you’re able.
- Rest as much as possible.
- Stay hydrated – water will help your brain cope with the “fight or flight” response to loss.
- ACCEPT HELP. Let others do the decorating, shopping, baking, wrapping, cleaning, greeting cards, cooking…
Practice Coping Mantras
It's okay to laugh!(c.Kurchak) |
These are
short, easy to remember statements you can say to yourself when things get
overwhelming. For example:
· “Be sad. It’s allowed – grief
doesn’t take holidays.”
· “Laugh. It’s allowed – life goes
on.”
· “All good things come to an end.
All bad things come to an end.”
· What mantras or life mottos do
you already practice? Write them on post-it notes as reminders.
Spend time with supportive people
Say “No, thank you” to
invitations to parties or gathering where you might feel uncomfortable or that
you would like to avoid. In other words, “Just say no.”
- Spend time with the people who you identify as helpful. This might include “Friends” on Facebook, or other social media platforms
- Phone support can be helpful when you’re just too tired to go out or have company; ask friends to call you, instead of you calling them
c.Fotolia |
“Memories are one
of the best legacies that exist after the death of someone loved.
And holidays always make you think about times past. Instead
of ignoring these memories, share them with your family and friends.
Keep in mind that memories are tinged with both happiness and
sadness. If your memories bring laughter, smile. If your
memories bring sadness, then it’s alright to cry….”
- Talk about your loved one over the holidays.
- Share stories about your loved one.
- Photo albums are a helpful to encourage conversation about your loved one – put one or two out where family and friends will look through them
The
bottom line is to do whatever YOU need to do to get through the holidays.
What have you found helpful during the holidays after a loss? What tips would you share with others?
This season, I wish you peace, comfort, strength and grace in your journey.
Warmly,
Wendy
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