The internet - a 21st century tool for helping the age old challenge of grief.
There are scads of websites, articles, and resources offering support for caring counselors and teachers working with grieving kids. However, some of the online material I've seen is outdated, and/or based on inadequate research.
So, what are some reliable internet websites about grief? How about we start with one website I'm using today?
The Assocation for Death Education and Counselling, with its uplifting and fun name, is an excellent general site to start looking for articles and links. www.adec.org
ADEC has information about webinars, educational programs, speakers, conferences, articles, and links to some international hospice/bereavement programs, including Canada.
One of the links under 'For the Public' -> 'Coping with Loss' is The Dougy Center in Oregon. This national center has been a flagship for for grieving kids and families for over 25 years. http://www.dougy.org .
You might find this activity for stimulating articulation of thoughts and feelings helpful - http://www.dougy.org/grief-resources/activities/ . It has some great sentence stems you might want to try. If you find some that work particularly well, I invite you to share them with the rest of us.
Valentine's Day can be difficult if you've lost a love. If you are grieving and sad today, I hope that your memories bring some measure of happiness as well. I send you peace and a warm hug.
I'm off to Toronto tomorrow to celebrate my Mom's 80th birthday.
Until later, take care of yourself...Wendy
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Keeping our balance
Working with grieving kids, and all the other 'gak' that finds its way into our guidance offices can take its toll on our well-being. To stay healthy and happy it's good to have fun and relaxation, other interests, new learning and just things that are totally new to our brains.
Years ago, okay, many years ago, at the University of Western Ontario, I conducted a few choirs and orchestras in my quest for a music degree (B.MusA.,19980) Small groups of musicians in small rooms. So, when I saw the attached TED presentation, my whole perspective of "conducting" was blown wide open - new learning!
The music, the scope of vision and the creativeness of Eric Whitacre are things that might help bring balance to you today.....take 15 minutes at lunch, relax, and have a look.....
http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/en/eric_whitacre_a_virtual_choir_2_000_voices_strong.html
If music's not your thing, www.ted.com has scads of other wonderful presentations to take you to another place in your day, as does www.YouTube.com , www.Stumbleupon.com, and my favourite, www.mls.ca
Enjoy!
Wendy
Working with grieving kids, and all the other 'gak' that finds its way into our guidance offices can take its toll on our well-being. To stay healthy and happy it's good to have fun and relaxation, other interests, new learning and just things that are totally new to our brains.
Years ago, okay, many years ago, at the University of Western Ontario, I conducted a few choirs and orchestras in my quest for a music degree (B.MusA.,19980) Small groups of musicians in small rooms. So, when I saw the attached TED presentation, my whole perspective of "conducting" was blown wide open - new learning!
The music, the scope of vision and the creativeness of Eric Whitacre are things that might help bring balance to you today.....take 15 minutes at lunch, relax, and have a look.....
http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/en/eric_whitacre_a_virtual_choir_2_000_voices_strong.html
If music's not your thing, www.ted.com has scads of other wonderful presentations to take you to another place in your day, as does www.YouTube.com , www.Stumbleupon.com, and my favourite, www.mls.ca
Enjoy!
Wendy
Monday, February 6, 2012
Theories of grief - a course!
If you've found the last couple of blogs fascinating, you might really enjoy this great. Fast, and full of info!
http://www.lifeanddeathmatters.ca/Online-Courses/theories-of-grief-and-loss-beyond-kubler-ross.html
Let me know if you'd like some additional information about the course.
Take care,
Wendy
Just to remind me....
This morning I found a link on my Facebook page to a beautifully written article by Rona Maynard. The piece is a poignant reminder of a lesson I learned 36 years ago as an Emerg nurse in a busy Toronto hospital.
That evening an Asian woman with a ruptured brain anuerysm had been admitted to my acute care room . While celebrating her 35th birthday at a local Chinese restaurant she collapsed on her way to the table. Without gaining consciousness, without saying "Goodbye" or "I love you." to any of her family or friends, she died.
As I watched her grieving family sobbing and saying their own goodbyes to she who had been their wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend, I told myself, "Never forget that you don't always have tomorrow. Don't wait to tell anyone that you love them - do it today."
Of course, I have forgotten this lesson - often. Maynard's article reminds me;
If I love someone, tell them - today.
If I am grateful to someone, tell them - today.
If I need to say I'm sorry to someone, tell them - today.
If I need to extend grace or forgiveness to someone, tell them - today.
Whatever I need to say or do, do it - today.
Not only may these things lead to a richer and more authentic life today, they may become precious memories on another day.
So, here's the link to Rona Maynard's story about friendship:
http://www.ronamaynard.com/index.php?by-phone-or-facebook-an-unforgettable-friendship
BTW - the picture, on the beach at Lake Simcoe on a warm Thanksgiving weekend a couple of years ago, is me with my best friend - my sister Pat.
Wendy
This morning I found a link on my Facebook page to a beautifully written article by Rona Maynard. The piece is a poignant reminder of a lesson I learned 36 years ago as an Emerg nurse in a busy Toronto hospital.
That evening an Asian woman with a ruptured brain anuerysm had been admitted to my acute care room . While celebrating her 35th birthday at a local Chinese restaurant she collapsed on her way to the table. Without gaining consciousness, without saying "Goodbye" or "I love you." to any of her family or friends, she died.
As I watched her grieving family sobbing and saying their own goodbyes to she who had been their wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend, I told myself, "Never forget that you don't always have tomorrow. Don't wait to tell anyone that you love them - do it today."
Of course, I have forgotten this lesson - often. Maynard's article reminds me;
If I love someone, tell them - today.
If I am grateful to someone, tell them - today.
If I need to say I'm sorry to someone, tell them - today.
If I need to extend grace or forgiveness to someone, tell them - today.
Whatever I need to say or do, do it - today.
Not only may these things lead to a richer and more authentic life today, they may become precious memories on another day.
So, here's the link to Rona Maynard's story about friendship:
http://www.ronamaynard.com/index.php?by-phone-or-facebook-an-unforgettable-friendship
BTW - the picture, on the beach at Lake Simcoe on a warm Thanksgiving weekend a couple of years ago, is me with my best friend - my sister Pat.
Wendy
Sunday, February 5, 2012
“Phases”
Another
Way to look at the Process of Grief ....
So, if
Kubler-Ross defined dying in stages,
which are like a state of being, some contemporary thanatologists describe grief
in phases which are more suggestive
of a process than a state.
The
usefulness of any theory may be defined by the degree to which it facilitates
the creation of practical interventions
for our grieving students. Some theories may work better for one counselor than
another.
So, for another
perspective of a task/phase theory of grief, I’ll try to draw parallels between Worden’s
task model from the last blog and an example of a phase theory. Again, let’s assume that the student’s loss is the
death of a loved one
Colin Murray Parkes, a pioneer in thanatology,
proposed that mourning occurs within the following 4 phases:
1. Shock and Numbness
2. Yearning and Searching
3. Disorganization and Despair
4. Reorganization
Phase one’s “Shock and Numbness”, are also components
in Worden’s first task, to accept the
reality of the loss (see previous blog).
A grieving student may seem to be functioning just fine, but the numbness
created by the shock of the loss prevents the reality of the death from sinking
in. The interventions discussed in our discussion about Worden’s first task
would certainly work in this phase i.e. providing teachers with information
about the physiological effects of grief, and class accommodations.
Parkes’
second phase “Yearning and Searching” is another element of a bereaved student’s
attempt to accept the reality of their loss. As a grieving student experiences the
constant frustration in a futile search for the deceased person the reality of
the death begins to move from head to heart.
During the
third phase, “Disorganization and Despair”, we may be able to help the student
with the interventions previously suggested regarding Worden’s third task –
those are the ones that help the student adjust to the new environment in which
the deceased is missing i.e. changing timetables to accommodate new part-time
job.
Parkes’ poignant title for this phase is so descriptive of the experience
of a bereaved student at this point of grieving. The despair and
disorganization created by their loss may be so overwhelming that some students
just can’t cope with their grief and
the demands of school – they may need your help negotiating a medical exemption
for a semester. Some kids just drop out until they are ready to return.
In the last
phase, “Reorganization”, our work with a grieving student may be one of support
as they re-define their identity, roles and relationship with the deceased. Contrary
to popular belief, the bereaved don’t actually “let go” of their deceased loved
one. In fact, kids that develop a new type of relationship with their deceased loved
one seem to have the healthiest outcomes in their grieving. That’s a really
interesting issue we might look at in the near future – how to help kids develop
continuing bonds with their loved one.
In the
meantime, I’m wondering what “aha moment” you might have experienced while
reading about tasks or phases of grief. Are there personal examples that come
to mind about tasks or phases expressed or experienced in any of your grieving
students? What interventions did you find helpful with the student? What were
some of the challenges?
Take care of
you.
Wendy
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