“Phases”

Another Way to look at the Process of Grief ....

So, if Kubler-Ross defined dying in stages, which are like a state of being, some contemporary thanatologists describe grief in phases which are more suggestive of a process than a state.

The usefulness of any theory may be defined by the degree to which it facilitates the  creation of practical interventions for our grieving students. Some theories may work better for one counselor than another.

So, for another perspective of a task/phase theory of grief,  I’ll try to draw parallels between Worden’s task model from the last blog and an example of a phase theory. Again, let’s assume that the student’s loss is the death of a loved one

Colin  Murray Parkes, a pioneer in thanatology, proposed that mourning occurs within the following 4 phases:

1.     Shock and Numbness

2.     Yearning and Searching

3.     Disorganization and Despair

4.     Reorganization

 Phase one’s “Shock and Numbness”, are also components in Worden’s first task, to accept the reality of the loss (see previous blog). A grieving student may seem to be functioning just fine, but the numbness created by the shock of the loss prevents the reality of the death from sinking in. The interventions discussed in our discussion about Worden’s first task would certainly work in this phase i.e. providing teachers with information about the physiological effects of grief, and class accommodations.

Parkes’ second phase “Yearning and Searching” is another element of a bereaved student’s attempt to accept the reality of their loss. As a grieving student experiences the constant frustration in a futile search for the deceased person the reality of the death begins to move from head to heart.

During the third phase, “Disorganization and Despair”, we may be able to help the student with the interventions previously suggested regarding Worden’s third task – those are the ones that help the student adjust to the new environment in which the deceased is missing i.e. changing timetables to accommodate new part-time job.

Parkes’ poignant title for this phase is so descriptive of the experience of a bereaved student at this point of grieving. The despair and disorganization created by their loss may be so overwhelming that some students just can’t cope with their grief and the demands of school – they may need your help negotiating a medical exemption for a semester. Some kids just drop out until they are ready to return.

In the last phase, “Reorganization”, our work with a grieving student may be one of support as they re-define their identity, roles and relationship with the deceased. Contrary to popular belief, the bereaved don’t actually “let go” of their deceased loved one. In fact, kids that develop a new type of relationship with their deceased loved one seem to have the healthiest outcomes in their grieving. That’s a really interesting issue we might look at in the near future – how to help kids develop continuing bonds with their loved one.        

In the meantime, I’m wondering what “aha moment” you might have experienced while reading about tasks or phases of grief. Are there personal examples that come to mind about tasks or phases expressed or experienced in any of your grieving students? What interventions did you find helpful with the student? What were some of the challenges?

Take care of you.

Wendy