"The Weather in My Head" - Expressive Arts for Grieving Kids

                          Kids grieve through play.                (Fotolia)

One of the most effective tools for helping folks, including children, cope with loss and grief is one that doesn't require any particular verbal skills. Whether it's called "creative arts", "art therapy", or "expressive arts", the focus of this strategy is using non-verbal means to communicate feelings or thoughts: how appropriate for helping children who may have limited vocabulary express their grief.

Expressive arts include music, drawing, dance, drawing, and writing. It's easy to see how any one of these might be considered "play" for a child. This is perfect, as kids process grief the way they learn life - through play.

"The Weather in My Head"

One of my favourite expressive art activities to do with greiving kids is easy, fast, and can be done anytime a child is having difficulty expressing their feelings or thoughts. All you need are markers, or crayons, and some blank paper.

 Introduce the activity by sharing with the child, or teen, that our responses to loss and grief may change moment-to-moment just like the weather (at least in Calgary!) and may seem confusing; sometimes it's easier to express our thoughts or feelings through drawing, instead of talking

Ask the child to close their eyes and picture what their feelings would be like if they were the weather. What do they look like; how do they feel; what sounds do they make; of what do they smell? Then, ask the child to open their eyes and draw what they just experienced.

When they are done, you might ask the child if they would like to talk about their picture however, be sure to ask; expressive art can be very personal and private, and influencing or encouraging a child to talk may undermine the benefit of the activity.

"The Weather in My Head" is one of the easy expressive arts that I am going to introduce to the children in the Bernie's Buddies Kids' Grief Workshop running this month. We're also going to be encouraging safety and security, and confidence through pet therapy with gentle Bernie, the deaf St.Bernard, and special kid's yoga with Angela Blenkhorne.

Our first session is this Thursday, November 7th. To register and for more information please go to adventureswithbernie.com

In the meantime, if you're not here in Calgary, Pilgrim's Hospice in Edmonton has a brilliant program "Expressive Arts for Greiving Children, Teens and Families".

What expressive arts have YOU found helpful?

Talk soon,
Wendy

5 Ways That Yoga Eases Kids' Grief

Yoga  = Helping a Grieving Child

The following excerpt from Phil Catalfo's article "The Longest Goodbye" introduces us to the concept of yoga as a tool for processing grief.

"We don't get to live and not lose," says Ken Druck, a grief counselor in San Diego. "If we care about anything, we're going to experience loss." An outgoing, impassioned man, Druck knows loss intimately. His elder daughter, Jenna, was killed nine years ago at age 21 in a bus accident in India while in a semester-abroad program. Druck channeled his grief into creating the nonprofit Jenna Druck Foundation (www.jennadruck.org), which offers free support services to bereaved families. Yoga is central to the foundation's work.

Two years after Jenna's death, Druck was still so emotionally wounded he was shutting down. "There were nights when I curled up into a ball on the floor, racked with pain," he says. "My shoulders were pulled in, protecting my heart and gut. And my thinking was obsessive—I was having flashbacks to the phone call telling me Jenna had been killed." 

Not long after that, a friend suggested he try yoga, so Druck signed up to study with Diane Roberts, the owner of Foundation Yoga, in north San Diego County. Within the first 10 minutes of class, tears were streaming down his face. "I just let grief have its way with me," he says softly. "There was nothing to do but let it happen. I relaxed enough to breathe, and realized I'd contracted around my wound." Since then, Druck has come to value the way yoga allows grief to be expressed; today, the foundation offers yoga classes to grieving families. "Through yoga, people can learn to modulate the breath, the pain, and the obsessive thinking," he says."

The rest of the article, in Yoga Journal offers some keenly interesting perspectives which you might enjoy. 

In this piece,  Catalfo suggests that there are five ways that yoga could ease grief, whether you're a child or an adult:

1. Yoga may ease suffering.
2. Yoga may help us learn compasssion while we grieve.
3. Yoga may help relieve the physical pain we often experience with grief.
4.Yoga may help us move towards acceptance of our new reality.
5. Yoga may help us move forward in our life journey.

These are some of the reasons that our new workshop "Bernie's Buddies Grief Workshop for Kids" includes yoga. Angela is a certified kid's yoga instructor  - perfect for grieving kids!

This unique workshop also offers grieving children the opportunity to learn to communicate with a deaf therapy dog (see my last blog)  and to use creative arts to process their grief.

There is more information about the workshop and an easy registration process at Bernie's Buddies website, www.adventureswithbernie.com

HEADS UP - the first session is NEXT THURSDAY, November 7. Register today to ensure that there is a spot for you - the workshop is limited to 8 children (plus their accompanying adult).

This is going to be such a GOOD workshop - a big gentle dog, yoga, and creative arts all for grieving kids.

Wendy
CT, B.Ed, B.Mus

A Grieving Child + a St.Bernard = a Unique Workshop for Grieving Kids

Grieving kids, especially those who have lost a parent or other loved one to death, face many changes in their little worlds.

They often feel out of control, unsafe and insecure as well as incompetent in even their basic life skills. Expressing their grief becomes even more complicated when their vocabulary and communication skills are limited by their age and other childhood issues.

It’s sometimes challenging knowing how to help...

Enter, Bernie!

Pet Therapy BERNIE aka Bernice!

Bernie: a gentle, deaf St. Bernard pet therapy dog who has worked with grieving kids, stroke patients, and all sort of other folks needing comfort. Lately, families in shelters after the Calgary flood of 2013 discovered the comfort of with this large sweet-spirited dog.

S0, what is it about the dog/human connection which could make Bernie and a grieving child the perfect fit?

Studies at the University of Missouri, College of Veterinary Medicine have proven that our levels of oxytocin, the “feel good” hormone, are increased when we interact with animals. Just being with Bernie will help grieving kids feel better.

It will also lower their blood pressure, diminish the 'fight or flight' response which is common with the trauma related to the death of a loved one, and lower their adrenalin and arousal levels.

Learning to speak with Bernie in a new language, hand signals, could enhance a grieving child’s sense of mastery and accomplishment, increase their self-confidence, and may encourage a greater sense of control over their environment.

BEST OF ALL, it will facilitate that #1 activity by which kids process grief – PLAY!

I love the whole idea. So, that’s why Bernie’s “Mama” Angela Blenkhorne and I have developed a unique, kids’ grief workshop Bernie’s BuddiesKids’ Grief Workshop.

We would love to have kids from 5-12 years old join us, for three evenings in November, to spend time with Bernie, do yoga with Angela, and grief-related crafts with me. There is more information about the workshop and registration at Bernie’s Adventures website.

In the meantime, what’s been your experience with an animal that has brought you comfort, or joy, or whatever else it is that you needed? I would enjoy sharing your story - I know it will touch and comfort others.

Introducing Kids to the Life Cycle

Hello again;

Play is a safe place to introduce concepts of death and dying.

 There's an interesting YouTube video by a Death Cafe facilitator in Australia, Kim Ryder. However, it's not the part about her Death Cafés that is so intriguing -  it's how she's teaching her daughter to become comfortable talking about death.

In "Death Café ( The Feed)" the viewer  watches Ryder incorporating concepts and concrete examples of death into playtime with her daughter. At my first viewing, I was a little shocked - I won't tell you about the content because I'm hoping that you'll watch the video yourself. However, the more I thought about Ryder's strategies, I began to to wonder "why not?"

In fact, whereas I initially thought that Death Café was a bold platform for raising an awareness of death, I now think it a very safe and gentle approach. The guests are like-minded people in an atmosphere of respect and openness, talking about issues which are fascinating and enlightening, all while "breaking bread", actually cake, together.

Why not have a peek at Ryder's video to watch a mom's intentional strategies to prepare her daughter to take care of her mother at her deathbed? I'm VERY interested to hear what you think.

I might show the video at the October 20th Death Cafe. If you would like to join the discussion, there are a few seats remaining. To grab one of the spaces, send me an email at yycdeathcafe@gmail.com.  I'll confirm your registration with a return email. The cafè details are in the upper right corner of this screen.

In the meantime, I heard this tidbit on Calgary CTV news: 2% of people who make purchases online admit to shopping with their iPhones while at a funeral. I wonder what they're buying?

Warmly
Wendy Kurchak
CT, B.Ed. B.MusA, DipNursing, DipGuidance, CPW

October 20 Death Cafe #6 - Only a Few Last Spots...

Hi Everyone;

CBC filming June 9th Death Cafe

There are only a few spots left for the October 20th Death Cafe. I'm excited that there are a number of university students attending, as well as some new out-of-town guests.

If you would like to join us, please send me an email, sooner than later, to register. Heads up - a confirmation message from me ensures that you are on the guest list.

The event details are in the upper right corner of this page, under "Autumn Death Cafes 2013".

Homemade cake, coffee/tea, and "real life and death" conversation;  you can't get it anywhere else for the price - free!

Register at yycdeathcafe@gmail.com . Due to the limited spaces, if you are coming as part of a couple, or a group, it would be best to register everyone at the same time.

Hope to see you soon.

Warmly,
Wendy Kurchak
B.Ed , B.MusA, CT , DipNursing, DipGuidance, CPW

Calgary's Death Cafe #7 moves uptown!

New DAY!
New TIME!
New LOCATION!

Still the same old price - FREE !!!!

It's Calgary's 7th Death Cafe.

It's conversation about life and death, in a relaxed environment while you enjoy coffee and cake. It's about embracing life more fully as your awareness of death increases...

If you haven't yet joined the discussion, here's your chance:

Saturday, November 16th

1:30 PM to 3:30 PM

Unitarian Church of Calgary  
1703 1st ST NW ( a couple of blocks west of Center St. on 16Ave NW)

Register today at yycdeathcafe@gmail.com.It's as easy as that.

IN the meantime, there are still a few spots for Death Cafe #6 on Sunday, OCTOBER 20th. It's from 2-4 PM at the Sage Center(Hospice Calgary SE Outreach). No charge. Please register at yycdeathcafe@gmail.com. 

Hope to see you there,

Wendy
CT, B.Ed , B.MusA, DipNursing, DipGuidance, CPW

Death Cafes Fall 2013

 

June 9 Calgary Death Cafe

"Death Cafe"

definition - a relaxed and safe place where people can drink coffee, eat cake and discuss death, dying and grief.

The aim is to increase an awareness of death in order to live life to its utmost.

There is no other agenda than the above, and Death Cafes are not affiliated with any other organization, religious or otherwise. However, facilities  for some Death Cafes may be donated by certain groups as all cafes are free of charge.

Upcoming Calgary Death Cafe:
October 20
Time: 2-4 PM
Location: 1245 70 Ave SE
Sage Center (Hospice Calgary)
No charge but you do need to register.

Please register at yycdeathcafe@gmail.com

What do you think of Peter Pan's perspective?

 
Stayed tuned for information about the November Death Cafe!