Helping Kids through the Holidays

Just like the Wise men, farmers and shepherds in those sweet, upcoming Christmas pageants, the holidays are drawing 'nigh'!

Right about now we often begin to see a number of students showing up in our offices, anxious about any number of issues related to the season. These concerns might include expectations and disappointments, messy family dynamics, as well as a dread of coping with grief during this period.

 As a proactive intervention, we might even consider initiating conversations with kids we know who have experienced significant losses over the year.

Once these kids arrive in our office, having a stocking full of strategies can be helpful. Here are a number of ideas that students have found helpful in the past:

1.     Reassure a kid that even though the anticipation of the holidays can be scary and painful, they can and will get through the event. It helps to let them know that in many instances, the time leading up to the day is worse than the actual day.

2.     Helping kids develop a plan of what THEY would like to do, and then helping them discuss it with their parents can make a big difference to your student.

 Encourage your student to be creative – you may want to use some visualization or art activities with them.

 The plan should include how to express grief in a specific time and place – this might include:

      a.     Leave an empty chair at the table.

b.     Light a candle, or place a bulb on the tree in memory of their loved one.

c.      Go onto a grief support website and write an online tribute about them.

d.     Request prayers at their place of worship.

3.     Encourage kids to make a Plan A and B (C, D, and E). Knowing that they can change their plans depending how they are feeling, may help decrease the stress.

For example, if Plan A is to go to Aunt Mary’s for dinner, Plan B might be to go to stay home instead.

4.     Ask the student what it would be like to do something totally different than their traditional customs.

They may appreciate your advocacy with their parent(s) in discussion and implementation of their ideas.

5.     Encouraging creativity may also facilitate discussion and reminiscing about the loss – these are very therapeutic tools for processing grief.

 I.e. create a “Remembrance bulb” to hang on the Christmas tree, write a new song, or make a movie of past Christmas memories.

Reminiscing about the past helps to process grief in a number of ways – it is okay, and good, to” remember”.

6.     Many families find it meaningful to “honour their loved one” by helping others during the holidays i.e. volunteer to serve dinner at a Drop-in center.

 What sorts of activities would the student find significant in this regard? Could they do it on their own, or with a friend, if other family members were reluctant to participate?

7.     Encourage your student to focus and do the things that will be easy on their emotions and body – they are likely to be exhausted. 

  Helping the student make a list of activities they find particularly relaxing may give them a concrete reminder to rest.

    8.      Help the student develop mantras for coping : for example

·       Be sad. It’s allowed – grief doesn’t take holidays.

·       Laugh. It’s allowed – life goes on.

9.      Encourage the student to spend time with the people that they identify as supportive.

 Again, making a list of names with the student may provide a concrete reminder who they can call during the holidays.

*It is especially important to follow up with these kids AFTER the holidays.

·       What strategies worked for them?
·       How can they continue to use those coping methods in their daily life?
·       What didn’t work for them?
·        What situations occurring during the holidays need to be addressed?

Before leaving this particular subject for the moment:

 I wonder how some of these strategies might be incorporated into YOUR holiday season?

What tips might you take as your own so that the holidays are as relaxing and restorative as possible for you?

It's holiday time for you too! YAY!

In the meantime, take care of YOU.

Teachers and kids creating new paths for living - one step at a time.