Hi Everyone,

Yesterday I received an email from a friend I had been been supporting since the deaths of both his mom and a dear friend within two weeks of each other. I had been encouraging my buddy to take some "down time" to relax, drink lots of water, etc.

When I read his email I was reminded, again, that we all have grieving styles which exist on a continuum somewhere between "intuitive grievers", which is the type of grief we typically think of as normal grief, to "instrumental grievers".

My friend's message is an excellent example of an instrumental griever:

"I worked all weekend but I find it kind of relaxing."

Instrumental grievers experience and express their grieve through "doing" versus "feeling". They prefer to problem solve rather than feel emotions, they process their grief through action instead of talking.

Choosing the most helpful interventions for a grieving student may be determined by assessing where on the continuum the student may be at that particular moment.

Asking " How do you feel" may elicit an "I don't know" from an instrumental griever. Try asking, "What are you thinking?" or "What problems are on your mind?"

I'll talk more about interventions for instrumental and intuitive grievers again...

In the meantime, take care of yourself as the holidays draw nigh...

Warmly,
Wendy

Teachers and students working together to create new paths for living, one step at a time.